I have been on edge in my life for as long as I can remember, …by having everything snatched from me one by one. Mom died when I was 6 years old so I never got to experience motherly love. My dad and Scarlett were the ones who raised me, she was both my sister and mother. But still, fate didn go any easier on me. Keeping me on the edge of an ocean, throwing me in suffocating waves but whenever I was ready to lose, ready to give up, pulling me back, giving me hope only to have it snatched from me right away.
I was lucky to have Alana and Dad pulling me back every time, to deal with me and my crappy problems. They were the best and only support I could ever have. But still, I was hollow from inside. Never felt contented once with myself and life, that now I have even stopped imagining that how it truly feels to be free and relaxed, — filled with life.
After leaving the bar, I bought a few bottles of beer, drove around until I reached the beach. It was silent, as always. No one really came to the beach this late at night. It was empty and the sound of waves hitting each other harshly was like screaming in my ear but I still found that screaming comfortable, sitting on the hood of my car, drinking beer.
”I knew I will find you here. ” A voice spoke from my left side, too clear and familiar that I could recognize it, even in the midst of noisy waves.
”Came to spy on me, ” I said without looking at her.
”Actually, I came to kick you and drag you back home but I think I could use some drink now with crappy talk, ” Alana said getting on the hood of the car and opening the lid of beer, she took a long swig of it.
”We didn get any luck today, did we? ” She asked which was more like a statement.
”Just like the other times. ” I took a long swig of my beer and sighed. We fell into silence as the sound of air rushing harshly through my ears made my heart race.
”I am angry at you, you know? — why didn you tell me right away when Liam called? You know I wouldn stop you from doing anything but I could have gone with you, — to have a crazy ass night, get drunk, hell, even pick up some fight. ” She chuckled nudging my shoulder lightly and thats the thing about her, she would get angry with you, scream at you but still be with you without any judgment.
”I didn want to bother you because like always we didn find anything. But like other times, it didn work out well for me. You found me again. ” I replied with a little shrug.
”Then you should probably change your sad spot but I guess I will still find you from wherever you are, ” She said shrugging. ”Yeah. ” I chuckled, nodding my head. We were silent for few moments until she spoke out, slowly.
”…uncle was worried for you thats why he called to know if you
e with me, …I told him. ” I sighed.
”Inevitable thing, — he always finds a way to know everything. ” I shrugged and sighed lightly. The air was getting more chilly with each passing moment.
”He loves you, you know, –more than anything. You make him happy, you – ” I cut her off.
”Wish I could do the same, –to pay off for everything he has done for me but I know I will never be able to, — he has done a lot that its hard to keep up with the counting, ” I whispered as few unknown tears rolled down my cheeks.
”You are already doing enough Claire. You know what he says, that when he met you he had lost everything and was dead inside but you made him feel alive …you brought him back to life, ”– ”you know you have really nice and amazing persons around you, to always be with you for being you. ” She said looking at me.
”Do I really? ” I asked turning to her.
”Mhmm hmm, your dad, Liam, even though you sometimes get mad at him but he still cares for you, and me, –though I am the best out of them all. ” She murmured hugging her knees and putting her head on them.
”You are a great daughter and a really kind friend, Claire Ann Marie. ” She smiled at me. I giggled hearing my full name after so long. It felt like everything she was saying was true. Everything was pointed for me and only me as I have achieved something really great.
”You always have a unique way with words. You know how to make someone feel better and I am so thankful to have you as my friend, — and sister. I love you so much, so so much. Please know that Alana Williams. ”
She smiled a large smile which made her Korean looking eyes even smaller. ”I know, ”
We fell silent, I was happy to talk to her and also happy that we didn talk about the past, — sure our conversation had the grasp of the past, but it was mostly related to our present, to ourselves, where we found ourselves happy at that moment, not saying anything, just listening to the merciless waves and the hidden chaos of wind, as we drank to oblivion.
But it was me who got drunk as dead that Alana literally had to drag me back home. I remember dads angry face upon seeing me drunk and then carrying me to my room. Alana didn stop me from drinking because I guess she got the idea that I needed this and that night I went to my deep slumber without having any certain bad and scary images in my mind.
But the pain was the only thing I could feel as I started getting my senses back the next day. My head felt like someone had pounded it with the hammer. I ran my hands through my tangled hair and massaged my scalp to decrease the pain but it didn help either. I opened my eyes just to close them again because of bright sunlight coming from the window. I tried again and this time opened my eyes slowly but blinked many times to get a clear view.
Sitting up on my bed, I looked at my bed sidelong mirror. My hair was a mess, my makeup smudged and my eyes were swollen. I was still in the same dress as last night and was smelling alcohol.
I sighed and looked around my room. My simple yet cozy room, white bed, white walls, and white chairs in the corner of my room. Complete white except there were dark grey velvet curtains on my big large window. I didn like to keep too much furniture in my room except for the basic ones.
I got up from my bed and trudged towards my bathroom to get ready and decided to take a long shower to get rid of my alcoholic smell. After taking a shower and getting dressed in a black bodycon dress with a red jacket, I wore my black shoes with a gold watch and gold earrings. After getting ready I made my way towards the kitchen and saw Dad already sitting on the dining table, reading a newspaper. Breakfast was all set on the table and he was surely waiting for me.
I stood near the doorway of the kitchen, not wanting to make any move just yet but he always knew whenever I was near.
”You can come out now, no need to hide. ” He said without taking his eyes off the newspaper.
I bit my lip and took slow steps towards him and sat silently. He folded his newspaper and putting it aside, he started filling our plates with toasts and eggs. ”Eat before it gets colder. ” He said. I grabbed a fork with shaky hands and we started eating in utter silence and to be honest, it was scaring me.
And when it was getting too difficult to sit in that awkward silence, I whispered; ”I am sorry for last night, …I know I shouldve told you and shouldn have gone off lying but I didn want to worry you about me and Liam said that it was possible that he won find anything so thats why I didn tell you. ” I tried defending myself.
He stopped eating, and I could feel him staring at me, but I was too embarrassed to even look at him. ”Don you trust me enough? — or are we not a family? ”
”Its not that. We are family and – ” he cut me off. ”Then family shares everything Claire, –even if there is a disappointment for one at the end they still stand together but you never let me. ”
I stared at my breakfast because I still couldn gather the courage to look up in his eyes and see the disappointment in them because of me. ”I am sorry, ” I whispered.
”You never worry me Claire, and if anything you make me happy. You are the best thing ever happened to me and you are all that matters to me, –and I want you to at least consider me worth telling everything. So please don hide anything again from me, ” He said.
I bit my tongue, so harshly that I was afraid it will bleed. I never wanted this, never wanted to hurt him, not when all he had ever done was support me and stand by my side.
”I was afraid –and embarrassed, thinking that you have already done a lot, …thinking how long are you gonna stay worried for me. It was nothing huge, so thats why I didn tell you. ”
”The matter was small but it had a big impact on you, didn it? –and why there are fear and embarrassment between us Claire? You are my daughter, you have rights on me just as much as I do. How can you think like that. ”
”I am sorry Dad, –I am so so sorry but I promise that I will never hide anything from you but please forgive me just this once, ” I finally looked up at him. He smiled, a genuinely beautiful, wrinkled smile. ”Then you better don break the promise, ok? ” He said. I breathed in joy and nodded my head.
He smiled at me and taking my hands in both of his, he kissed them and then patted my head lovingly. ”You are so much like her,… ” He whispered as his eyes went foggy in memory and I already knew what he was talking about. My smile faltered on its own which caused him to take his eyes off me immediately. He cleared his throat and picked back his fork.
”Ok now eat your breakfast and tell me about that new investor. Whens he coming? ” He asked changing the topic and eating a boiled egg. With the mention of his name, my mind took me to the last night, to the conversation I had with him. It was strange and somewhat vulnerable which was first for me with someone besides Alana and dad but still for some reason I didn hate that.
”They are coming today. I have already arranged their office and we will be starting soon with the project. ” I told him. ”Thats great. Best of luck. I am also planning on visiting the office soon. ” He said. ”Thank you and sure. Why not. ” I said and after that, we ate in silence. After eating breakfast and bidding goodbye to dad I got in my car and came straight to my office to hopefully start a fresh day.